Firstly, this is building on previous studies that found that being thanked does indeed promote prosocial behavior. This has some fairly straightforward implications for how you live your life and what kind of policies you want to have at your company. Most jobs have something to do with helping other people either directly (e.g., life guards), indirectly (e.g., computer engineers), or within the company (e.g., training underlings). And most people do a lot of interacting with others throughout the day, so there exist ample opportunities to both help and receive help. By thanking someone, they’ll be more inclined to help you or someone else.

This appears to happen because, when people are thanked, they feel more social worth. Grant and Gino also measured self-efficacy and emotions, and neither seemed to account for the prosocial behavior. Being socially valued is pretty close to the consensual definition of meaning – contributing beyond yourself. Gratitude seems like it might be the feedback that you are indeed contributing. Usually, feedback about doing well at something does increase self-efficacy. However, this seems particular to self-worth only. But, why wouldn’t feeling more socially valued increase positive emotions or decrease negative emotions? (In the studies, it seems like it did a little bit, but not significantly.)

This separation of meaning and happiness is consistent with other research (e.g., McGregor & Little, 1998). For instance, Baumeister (1991) has found that parents are, on average, slightly less “happy” than non-parents. However, this is measured by individual emotion and life satisfaction. Not meaning. It seems that parents might get more meaning, but they might also have more stress, leading their scores in subjective well-being to come out a little lower than non-parents.

This leads me to the question: what is meaning? Is it an emotion that we just aren’t measuring in the same bundle as other emotions? I might argue that this is the case, because it seems that it might be motivating. Emotions are originally conceived to be moving – literally to move you. They also may have distinct physiological patterns in the body; Negative emotions seem to have this, though positive emotions so far don’t seem to have such specific patterns. However, you feel something different with each emotion, so there must be something physiological going on. Thus, meaning or social worth must be an emotion that we just don’t have a word for. Maybe?

More on this as it comes. And… thanks for reading!

References:

Baumeister, R.F. (1991). Meanings of life. New York: Guilford Press.

Grant, A. M. & Gino, F. (2010). A little thanks goes a long way; Explaining why gratitude expressions motivate prosocial behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98 (6), 946–955.

McGregor, I, & Little, B. R. (1998). Personal projects, happiness, and meaning: On doing well and being yourself. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 494–512.

Those tricksters at State Farm premiered their campaign featuring people helping people … and it will pretty much make you want to hug everyone within a five mile radius.

Jonathan Haidt of the University of Virginia has done research on the feeling of “elevation,” which indicates that oxytocin is released when people see a virtuous act. Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter known to cause bonding, feelings of trust, and calmness. That seems to fit pretty well with what this author is describing.

Elevation is one of a few experiences associated with inspiration. (Perhaps this writer got up and did something virtuous after seeing this commercial – though it’s unlikely because of oxytocin’s calming effects. I’m sure State Farm hopes he bought insurance.) Admiration (associated with skill) and awe (associated with vastness) are two others experiences that might be involved in inspiration. What inspires you to actually get up and do something?

Being someone who engages in physical activity every day, at times I come across people who tell me things like, “I’d like to work out more often, but I don’t have the time,” or, “If I had the time, I’d eat more healthfully.” And I always reply with the same answer: if you don’t have the time, who does? Who is it so in control of your time that you no longer have any say in it?…. Nobody can make use of our time better than we can, so best to use it to the best of our abilities.

This seems so obvious, yet so easy to forget (like most of the concepts behind WYN). We get caught up with the stuff we think we have to do, like working too much so we can buy stuff we think we need. Most people I know don’t ask why too often. Our emotional inertia keeps us moving without thinking too much. It’s tougher to reconsider why you’re doing what you’re doing than to just do it. But your time is your life. It is your experiences. It is what makes you yourself. In the words of Nolan’s Batman, “It’s what you do that defines you,” and why you do it is at the heart of finding meaning.

It’s worth it to take some time, precious time, to figure out what really matters to you and to understand why it matters. I think understanding why it matters is the motivating factor. Even understanding why whatever you currently do is important will be extremely helpful in creating a positive outlook on life.

I’m a middle class American woman, and I have the extreme privilege of being able to change my life in many many ways. (In The Happiness Hypothesis Jonathon Haidt discusses how people who feel they have the ability to make changes are generally happier.) Many people also have this ability, but it can seem scary or selfish or impossible to do something different. We’re all striving toward happiness (I hope), and there are two possibilities within everyone’s grasp to achieve more of it: change your life, or change your perception of life. Generally, you need the latter to do the former. Basically, you can either try to see things in your life that you perceive as negative in a more positive light, – like making the job of filing papers more interesting by racing yourself – or you can change your life to minimize the negative aspects – like changing jobs, or going back to school. But to change your life, you need to see it as feasible. You need to validate the possibility of changing jobs in some way, realizing that you’re working to maintain a life that isn’t making you happy enough to justify the negativity of it.

However, we adapt to most anything eventually. We get bored, and our level of satisfaction dwindles. We can constantly keep upping the ante – this is what “climbing the ladder” and “career” are all about. Meaning, however, seems to be something that does not fade. Dr. Martin Seligman (please check out his TED talk) defines “meaning” as contributing to something greater than yourself. I think he is missing one tiny element – what you contribute to must be something you believe in. I’m not sure how to define “belief in” something, but I’m referring to the feeling that it is beneficial and important to the world. Based on that, contributing to the thing that you think is most important to the world will give you meaning, lasting happiness. So take the time to find it. It’s your time. It’s your life.

One thing that was particularly notable was how seriously the Yeoman Warders took their positions. While they are mostly tour guides, they also live on the Tower premises with their families and are in charge of taking care of it and protecting it. To apply for the position you have to have been in the British Armed Forces for at least 22 years and have received several medals. It’s a very honorable position, different from anything I know of here in the US.

If this weren’t the way of doing things – if anyone could apply as tour guide at the London Tower, it would have been a pretty run-of-the-mill experience, I think. Instead, the guides had absolute knowledge of the Tower, and ours didn’t seem to get tired of discussing the same history he must repeat several times a day. And he was engaging. I asked him if he enjoyed it (from his jovial demeanor, I was pretty sure I would get an affirmative), and he was extremely convincing in his response, expressing that he was protecting and perpetuating history of the country he had served for so long. It was no trivial job. He had a purpose, and he while he enjoyed it, he also took it very seriously.

Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement (2005)

People tend to keep doing what they’re doing until something significant changes. They lose their job, or get sick, or become inspired by an experience.

For example, Steve Jobs was fired from Apple in 1985, regrouped, and started NeXT (where he cultivated aesthetic priority), which was later bought by Apple. He cites being fired as a way he got lucky in his 2005 Stanford commencement address:

I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

A friend coined the term “emotional inertia” for this force that keeps us moving once we are in motion. It works pretty well as a comparison: It’s hard to get moving again when you stop; It’s hard to change directions once in motion; And it’s easy to stay moving once in motion (even if it’s not the right direction).

We at WhoYouNotice.com propose that you check in with yourself now and then to cultivate more meaning in your life. Ask yourself why you do what you do. Why is it important? If it’s not what you want to be doing, why not, and what would you rather do? WYN also endeavors to help you move in that new direction by putting your thoughts out there to attract opportunities.

Asking yourself these questions may seem obvious, but it’s not always easy to answer them. And it’s because these questions aren’t easy to answer that people just keep pumping along, maintaining their emotional inertia. Take the time to think it through. If life is what you deem it, don’t deem it mundane.

Most people enjoy what they do for a living because it gives them flow. Flow is defined in psychology as the state you engage in when you’re doing something with such focus that you lose track of time, you forget that you are the person doing it, you have a clear goal, and you have a way of measuring how well you’re doing. It has to be something that has just the right amount of challenge, but not too much. After engaging in flow, you feel a sense of self-affirmation. You might be getting flow when you play tennis, design something, or practice an instrument.

But what defines where you put this effort? For the most part, it is wherever the company that hires you tells you to put it. Or, if you’ve got a hefty resume, wherever the company that will pay you the most tells you to put it. In some cases, people may seek out an organization that has a well-defined purpose that they are passionate about, like, say, One Laptop Per Child. (The founder of OLPC discusses how being a non-profit allows for clarity of purpose, and it attracts the best minds available.) But many people simply do what’s logical for their career.

I think we tend not to question this because we are brought up to think that wealth, fame, career and success lead to a good life. But a career is important only to the person who makes it. You can contribute to the world through a career, but a career in itself is not a contribution. Therefore, it really shouldn’t be a purpose in itself. Nor should wealth, fame, or success. These are things that you might get in pursuit of a purpose, but pursuing them with no further intention is self-centric and egotistical.

Purpose is defined as the reason something exists or is done. Of course, there is much debate as to why we exist at all, but each of us, personally, has a unique perspective and our own insights and strengths that we can put toward a purpose that we deem important.

Let me give you some examples. A single mother who works three jobs to pay the rent isn’t directly pursuing money, she’s pursuing the welfare of her children. A lawyer that takes public interest cases instead of working at a huge law firm is pursuing his own purpose.

Purpose is a necessary component in feeling meaning. In positive psychology, “meaning” is a deep, lasting happiness that is achieved by using your strengths to contribute to something greater than yourself. I tend to think that when people say they feel empty, or that they are filling a void, usually what they are really saying is that they do not feel meaning.

So, let’s say that you could do whatever you get flow doing and also help end poverty. Wouldn’t you feel better about your work? You might – it depends on how important you think it is to end poverty. Maybe you think global warming is a much more important problem, and helping to solve it would give you meaning. It depends on your experiences.

Why do we keep asking ourselves what we want to be when we grow up, when we should be asking why we want to be?  The moral of this post is: yes, it feels nice to do well at something, but it feels much nicer to do well for a purpose that matters to us.

Definition:

Your genuine self is not the thoughts and feelings that you think you should have, it’s the thoughts and feelings that you do have.

Why it’s important:

Being your genuine self allows you to more easily find what makes you happy, and ultimately, what gives you meaning.

Life is lived by making decisions. (If you’re not making decisions, you’re just existing.) Your emotions are there to help you make decisions. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you should always listen to your emotions (for example, you shouldn’t hit people), but by understanding what is causing your emotions you can make better decisions.

This holds true for small decisions, like what groceries to buy, and large ones, like the purpose of your life’s work. Being your genuine self will help you clarify what is important to you.

For example, let’s say you choose a major in college, and you find that you struggle in the classes. A disingenuous way of handling it might be to blame it on having bad teachers, or having too much homework. We might be driven to say such things because our family expects us to do well in that major, and we don’t want them to believe we are bad at it. This would be an external force driving your decision-making. But a more genuine way to handle it might be to accept that your strengths are not in this area, and that something else might be better.

Accept who you are

Part of being your genuine self is accepting that what you feel is indeed what you feel. It is not to be buried or ignored. It is to be understood. This brings more security, and it allows you to follow your positive emotions. For instance, in the previous example, the genuine self allows us to accept that we may not be good at something; this means that we get past feeling bad about it. We do not spend much time feeling shame, guilt, embarrassment or anxiety over it, because we quickly recognize that those feelings are created by an external expectation. It is simply not rational to expect ourselves to be devoted to something that does not intrinsically motivate us. Usually, we are not motivated by what we are not interested in. So, we look for what does interest us. This releases you from negative feelings about yourself, and it allows you to search for positive, self-affirming ones.

It’s not easy to do – we all form habits and react in whatever way we think will protect us, even from an awkward situation. But being our genuine self is something to work on, and it’s the only way we can experience a meaningful life.

Race is an issue that Obama’s campaign has steered clear of, and rightly so. It is because of this that his win has been able to transcend race. We must acknowledge that he is African American, but it is not because of this or in spite of this that he won. It is because the American people voted for a capable and intelligent person. We now have a capable, intelligent, African American President of the United States, perhaps the most respected office in the world.

This transcendence in itself has not been a purpose, but a byproduct of President Elect Obama’s commitment to the greater purpose of helping the nation. This commitment and understanding allows him to inspire, to be calm, and to be effortlessly secure as his photos attest. Had it been any other way, he probably would not have won, this country would not have broken its own racial barriers.

As much of the media has been pointing out, this seems to contradict the strategies his campaign has been employing recently. So, why would he do this? Was it because his strategies hadn’t been working? This is probable, but it seems to me that there is something to this other than just a switch in strategies. 

While McCain should be calming his crowds, recently riled into this anger by his own campaign, he could have stopped at, “You don’t need to be scared of Obama.” But he went on to specify, “as President of the United States.” After trying to connect Obama to “domestic terrorist”, Bill Ayers (a Vietnam War protester), this is a pretty strange tactic. But it is one of the few times where McCain has looked comfortable. He looks like he’s actually doing what he believes is right in saying that Obama is a decent man. He looked slightly annoyed or disappointed with the woman who believed Obama is an Arab. Maybe this is a new strategy, or maybe it was McCain realizing how impressionable some people are, and that his campaign ads have not been subliminal or taken lightly. People who completely believed those ads may be in a mindset just a few steps short of being violent. They are unlikely to make well-reasoned decisions about this election because they are basing their reasoning on misinformation. Perhaps McCain does not feel good about the idea of winning an election because he fueled hatred for his opponent.

It was nice to see McCain do something decent, himself. (But this may just be a well-executed tactic to bring in the undecided voters. Still, he didn’t need to go quite so far as to say “as President of the United States.”)